We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize