I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it's like iHOP with fire
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
