I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
