You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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