I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
