you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
