First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
