guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
