I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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