yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
