finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Vodka?
Forever.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
