goodnight i made you a song goodbye
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
