i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
