i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
