atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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