Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
please don't ironically join a cult
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