He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
