He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
