you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize