your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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