so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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