i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
