Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
