Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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