I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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