What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize