I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
