belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
