just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
