areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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