I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
