You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
