when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
