pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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