she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
