i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
