Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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