I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
