good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
