Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize