how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
