Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
