Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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