i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
