I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize