yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize