Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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