he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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