Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
