even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize