You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
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