barbara walters just said penis...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
