no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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