Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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