also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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