"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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