dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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