the condom got lost in my hair
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
