bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
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