I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
