True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
