Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize