You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
