youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
