I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
