Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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