i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
