there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize