i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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