hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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