yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
