You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Is it because I queefed?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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