Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
