If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
How external is "for external use only"?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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