Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
