yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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