Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
