absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
