my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize