so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
