Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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