Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
