i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
