Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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