its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
