Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
