I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
