They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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