he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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