I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
