The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
