I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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