Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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