Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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