I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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