the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
