You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
