woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize