there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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