How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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